Responsibility — is it mine?

I was recently discussing with my career coach my goal of writing 5 medium posts this year. I’ve only done one, which means I’m totally off track on the year. I was talking about the one I had brewing (forthcoming post on paid parental leave) when she broke the news that not every post needs to be a big white paper on the policies facing our country or world. She proceeded to suggest I write a “fluff piece” or two on things that people ask me questions about when I’m doing a public speaking event. This is one of those things.

The other day I was at a bridal shower with my sister-in-law. At one point, she mentioned her idea of pulling together a family event at Target Field (home of the Minnesota Twins) for a family member who has been struggling with health issues. Instantly, my mind goes to the plan: first we create a list of who we would invite to get an estimate on guests, then we contact our season ticket rep to see what suites are available and when, then we query who is interested, get the suite, and make it happen.

I had to stop myself. Her idea, while an awesome one that I hope plays out, is her idea — not mine. It is not my responsibility to help her see it through and hold her accountable to making it happen. Thankfully, this is something I’ve been working on with a career coach (and my therapist!). Just because I see something that has a solution does not mean I need to be the one to implement said solution.

I’m your typical Type-A person who sees a problem and instantly wants to fix it. It comes up all the time — reading books, things I see at work, in my personal and professional relationships. And as much as I may want to tackle all of the world’s problems, the truth is, I can’t. I must prioritize. I’d much rather do a handful of things really well than half-ass it all. Therefore, I must keep myself from getting distracted or pulled into things just because I could help.

I keep a post-it on my desk. It says:

Responsibility

• Do I have the capacity?
• Do I have the ability?
• Should I?
• Multiple viewpoints

I refer to this whenever I feel that pang of responsibility. It hit me recently when I read Stacey Abram’s Our Time Is Now. For those of you who haven’t read it, it is a nonfiction book about the policies and politics around voting access. This is top of mind given recent events, and while I was reading this book in February, I couldn’t stop thinking about how I could go out and act on it immediately. How could I encourage people to register to vote? How could I change the registration process at a state level? How could I remove barriers that exist? And on and on.

Is voting important? Absolutely. Should as many people who can vote feel empowered to and have the access to? 100%. Can I fix this myself? No.

To apply the logic of my post it:

• Do I have the capacity? — No. Not only would I not know where to begin on some of these issues, but they are extremely large undertakings that need to involve many people and wide policy changes
• Do I have the ability? — No. I can campaign and support the changes, but I alone cannot make it happen.
• Should I? — Actually, yes. I genuinely think this is an issue important enough that it needs to be addressed by many people at various levels.
• Multiple viewpoints — does anyone else expect me to be responsible for these policies? No.

Going through this process allowed me to sit back and take a breath — turns out, the state of voter access in the United States is not actually my responsibility. And, it allowed me to consider what role or impact I could have, without taking it all on. When I eventually run for office, I won’t just speak to “likely voters” or those who have a history of voting. I will engage as many in my community as I can and try to remove any barriers that do exist to voter access to the capacity I am able. If elected, I will consider the ways to improve voter access and champion these efforts. This seems a lot more manageable than the idea of tackling it fully.

Another example has arisen during my time as a manager. I have an employee who mentioned to me they are interested in public speaking. Again, I began to think about how I could get them a speaker spot at a conference, who I knew, what conferences were coming up, what topics they could tackle, etc. So, back to the post it:

• Do I have the capacity? — Yes, it isn’t a ton of effort to find a conference, get them to submit a talk (and help in preparing the abstract), and then practice with them prior.
• Do I have the ability? — Yes, I’ve had my own talks accepted, I know the technology industry, and I can help make this happen.
• Should I? — Ultimately, no. I can most definitely suggest a conference or two if they pop on my radar and I can review the submission, but I should not be responsible for the end to end success in their public speaking endeavors.
• Multiple viewpoints — does my employee expect me to take this on? I surely hope not! I want them to own it, to want to submit and to ask for help when it is needed. It isn’t my responsibility to follow up and push for it because if they aren’t truly owning and pursuing, that is on them.

Thankfully, it wasn’t just an offhand comment that they wanted to speak. When a conference came into my email, I quickly forwarded it on and encouraged them to apply. They did (I did review once, as did others at my company), were accepted, and will be presenting later this month. In the end, I can be a partner but I am not the responsible party.

If you’re like me and sometimes take on too much, try this process yourself. I’d love to hear what this helps you take off your plate or release some unnecessary responsibility for. On the other side, is there anything missing from my process?